Question : Anong insect ang madalas mahulog?
Answer : bug

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gf : hu hu hu hu bakit natin ginawa ito? hindi na ako
virgin at dalawang beses pa natin ginawa!
bf : ano? isa lang ah?!
gf : bakit, hindi na ba natin uulitin mamaya?!

wahahahaha

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http://images.neobux.com/imagens/banner1.gif

At the Sex Shop:
GIRL: Excuse me,wer r the vibrators?

CLERK: Sa wall po,nakadisplay..

GIRL: Ok i'll buy the big red one.

CLERK: Ay bruha..Fire Extinguisher yan

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imbestigador: miss, ilang beses ka 'kamo nirape ng lalakeng ito?
miss na na-rape: dalawa po, sir..
nang-rape: anong dalawa?, isa lang po sir..
miss na na-rape: bakit?, hindi ba kabilang 'ung ako ang nasa ibabaw?

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I always arrive late at the office,
but I make up for it by leaving early..

MISTER: Isa sa mga bata ang kumuha ng pera sa pitaka ko!
MISIS: Sobra ka! Ba't mo pinagbibintangan ang mga bata? Malay mo, ako?!
MISTER: Siguradong hindi ikaw! Kasi, may natira!

REPORTER: Ano po ba ang nangyari?
IMBESTIGADOR: Ninakawan ang opisina ni Congressman Curacot.
REPORTER: Malaki siguro ang natangay. Ngayon ko lang nakitang nagalit nang ganyan si Congressman Curacot.
IMBESTIGADOR: Maliit lang. Pero talagang ganyan ang buhay. Ang magnanakaw, galit sa kapwa congressman!

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_demonyo dumating sa park_
PARI:sa kapangyarihan ko at paniniwla,, lumayas ka dito ,,,,!!demonyo,,,,LAYAS,,!!LUMAYAS KA..!!!!!
DEMONYO:..wow!! hah,,! ang galing,,,,bkit sau to',, hah,,,sau to..?,,ANG KAPAL,,,

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kahit na sinasamappal ako ng mrs ko ok lang kahit bina batukan ako ok lang kahit na tinatalikoran ako ok lang diko kc ma take na patulian nya ko sakit kaya negs

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Q1: bAkiT hiNdi nAghE-hAiRnEt aNg KALBO..??
A: kAsi,, maGmuMukHa siLanG MICROPHONE.. diBa..?? eXtRemE.. eXtRemE.. mAgic siNg..

Q2: bAkiT giNawA aNg AIRPLANE..??
A: kAsi DAW SIRA..!!

Q3: bAkiT yUng bAta nAgLagAy nG SUGAR sA unAn niYah..??
A: kAsi GusTo niYah nG SWEET DREAMS..

Q4: bAkiT dAw biNabAsa m0 t0 kAhiT CORNY..??
A: kAsi DAW..
"MAGANDA" yUng nAgPOST..
yUn yuNg JOKE dUn..

Enjoy..

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PLURK, FACEBOOK, at TWITTER tayo

ISANG NAKAKADIRING ISTORYA:

Isang araw, kinausap ni TINGA si KULANGOT...

Tinga: hoi, kulangot! Anong ginagawa mo dito?!?

-ü-

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*All the self-discipline you've put on yourself starts to pay off major way today!

Boy to girl: "may joke ako sa'yo siguradong matatawa ka"
Girl: "sigurado ka bang matatawa ako?"
Boy: "oo kakatawa talaga"
Girl: "o sige ano yung joke mo"
Boy: "type ka ng pinsan ko ang ganda mo daw, hahahahaha!!!

******************

Sa sabungan, walang entrance fee ang may dalang panabong. Si Juan para makalibre ,pumasok may dalang inahin.

Bantay: [Sinita si Juan] Ano yan?

Juan: [Galit pa!] Manok!

Bantay: Alam ko, eh bakit inahin?

Juan: May laban ang Mister niya, siyempre Moral Support, Bobo!

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"One who sees the invisible... Can do the impossible."

MAG-ASAWA SA KAMA

(8PM)
Lalaki: mahal pwede na?
Babae: "galit" Ano ba?!
ang aga aga pa!

(12MN)
Lalaki: mahal pwede na?
Babae: "galit" Ano ba?!
Hating gabi pa lang!

(3AM)
Lalaki: mahal pwede na?
Babae: "galit" Ano ba?!
Madaling araw pa lang!

(5AM)
Lalaki: mahal pwede na?
Babae: "di na galit" Sige,
hugutin mo na!

wahahahaha

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http://images.neobux.com/imagens/banner1.gif

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there
stands Bob, the next-door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop
that towel.' After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.
After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and
goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?' 'It was Bob
the next door neighbor,' she replies.
'Great!' the husband says, 'Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'

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I always arrive late at the office,
but I make up for it by leaving early..

A teacher told her young class to ask their parents For a family story with a moral at the end of it, and To return the next day to tell their stories.

In the classroom the next day, Joe gave his example First, "My dad is a farmer and we have chickens. One Day we were taking lots of eggs to market in a basket On the front seat of the truck when we hit a big bump In the road; the basket fell off the seat and all the Eggs broke."

The moral of the story is not to put all Your eggs in one basket..

"Very good," said the teacher.

Next, Mary said, "We are farmers too. We had twenty Eggs waiting to hatch, but when they did we only got Ten chicks."

"The moral of this story is not to count Your chickens before they're hatched .."

"Very good ," said the teacher again, very pleased with The response so far.

Next it was Barney's turn to tell his story: "My dad Told me this story about my Aunt Karen…. Aunt Karen Was a flight engineer in the war and her plane got Hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all She had was a bottle of whiskey, a machine gun and a Machete."

"Go on," said the teacher, intrigued.

"Aunt Karen drank the whiskey on the way down to Prepare herself; then she landed right in the middle Of a hundred enemy soldiers. She killed seventy of Them with the machine gun until she ran out of Bullets. Then she killed twenty more with the machete Till the blade broke. And then she killed the last ten With her bare hands."

"Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, "What did Your father say was the moral of that frightening Story?"

The child said "Stay away from Aunt Karen when she's been Drinking…"

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Don't STEAL. The GOVERNMENT hates competition. Good in english huh!? It doesn't mean your smart enough.
my other account: crad3r (i use this only if my account is bugged)

sa bus..
holdaper: holdap to
lola: rape!! rape!!
holdaper: lola., holdap lang po, hindi rape!!
lola: kaya nga nagsusuggest ako eh...

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sometimes, we need to forget about the people from our past, 'cause there must be a good reason why they didn't make it to our future.

A priest offered a nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129.' The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears,
he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129.'
The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.' Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed
heavily and went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.
It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'

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I always arrive late at the office,
but I make up for it by leaving early..

MISS UNIVERSE INTERVIEW

AMERICA
Question: Ms America, how do you describe a male organ in your country?
Ms America: Well, I can say that male organs in America are like gentlemen.
Question: How can you say so?
Ms America: Because it stands every time it sees a woman..........................
(Applause! Applause!)

SPAIN
Question: Ms Spain, how do you describe a male organ in your country?
Ms Spain: Male organs in our country are like our very own Bullfight or Toro (Bull)
Question: How can you say so?
Ms Spain: Because it charges every time it sees an opening....
(Applause! Applause!)

PHILIPPINES
Question: Ms Philippines, how do you describe a male organ in your country?
Ms Philippines: Well, I can say that male organs in our country are like gossip or rumors.
Question: How can you say so?
Ms Philippines: Because it passes from mouth to mouth......
(Applause! Applause! Standing Ovation! Applause! Applause!)

SAUDI ARABIA
Question: Ms Saudi Arabia, how do you describe a male organ in your country?
Ms Saudi: Well, I can say that male organs in Saudi are like thieves.
Question: How can you say so?
Ms Saudi: Because they like to enter through the back door.....
(Applause! Applause! Laughter! Laughter! Applause! Applause!)

INDIA
Question: Ms India, how do you describe a male organ in your country?
Ms India: Well, I can say the male organs in India are like laborers.
Question: How can you say so?
Ms India: Because it works day and night......
(Applause! Applause! Applause!

MALAYSIA
Question: Ms Malaysia, how do you describe a male organ in your country?
Ms Malaysia: Well, I can say that Male Organs in Malaysia are like Proton car.
Question: How can you say so?
Ms Malaysia: Look tough but actually very soft....
(Applause! Applause! Laughter! Laughter! Applause! )

SINGAPORE
Question: Ms Singapore,how do you describe a male organ in your country?
Ms Singapore: Well, I can say that male organ in Singapore is very Kiasu (Afraid to lose).
Question: How can you say so?
Ms Singapore: It always wants to rush in quick and leave 15 minutes before the show is over.
(Applause! Applause! Applause! Applause! Applause!)

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Don't STEAL. The GOVERNMENT hates competition. Good in english huh!? It doesn't mean your smart enough.
my other account: crad3r (i use this only if my account is bugged)

GUSTO MAKARAMI

sa isang bar:
customer: miss magkano ba ung serbisyo mo?
girl: 500 sa hotel. 300 sa kama, 200 sa sofa, at 100 sa damuhan.
customer: sige ung 500 na lang.
girl: wow bigatin 500 sa hotel?
customer: hindi, limang beses sa damuhan

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sometimes, we need to forget about the people from our past, 'cause there must be a good reason why they didn't make it to our future.