nag papayabangan ang mag kkaibigan sa kanilang mga lolo...

bata1:wala kayo sa lolo ko 80 yrs old na hip-hop pa..!

bata2:sus wala yan sa lolo ko. 85 yrs old na magaling pang mag basketball..

bata3:teka lang mga tol ha? tatawagin ko lang yung lolo ko.. nag frfriendster pa kasi eh..

hehehehe..

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PLURK, FACEBOOK, at TWITTER tayo

merong kuba at pilay na makikipag simbahan, Eh bawal sa simbahan ang may kapansanan....

Q. paano sila makakapasok sa loob kung may kapansanan sila?





A. ang ginawa nila yung kuba bumili ng chalk at kunwari nagsusulat sa sahig (ed hindi nahalata) at yung pilay naman kunwari binubura niya yung sinulat ng kuba.....

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masanting lareng sig ku, dacal salamat kuya migz..

Tinawag ni Inay si Boy, ang batang ngo-ngo. "Boy, magpunta ka sa
tindahan ni Aling Petra at bumili ka ng isang latang Pork & Beans."


"Omo, inay," ang sagot ni Boy. Pagdating ni Boy sa tindahan ay binati
niya ang tindera, "Aning Metra, ngamuta na mo ngayo? ( Kamusta na po
kayo? )"


"Mabuti naman," ang sagot ni Petra, "ano ang kailangan mo Boy?"


"Mangmilan nga mo ng inang lata ng Mo e Meen?" ang tanong ni Boy.


"Ano kamo, Boy? sabi ni Petra.


"Isa mong Mo e Meen," ang ulit ni Boy.


"Paki-ulit nga Boy at hindi kita maintindihan."


"Mo e Meen, Mo e Meen, nyung nata lata."


"Hindi talaga kita maintindihan. Mabuti pa kaya ay i-spell mo na lang sa
akin."


"O ninge. Mo e Meen. Netter Mi."


"Letter 'B'?" Ang tanong ng tindera.


"Ine! Netter Mi as in Minimines."


"Ha???"


"Mi!" Kinanta ni Boy ang alphabet, "Ey, Mi, Ni, Ni, E, Em, Nyee... Ey,
Ay, Ngey, Ngey, En, Em, En, O, Mi."


"Ahhh, P! Letter P!" ang masiglang sagot ni Petra.


"Oo. Mi! Mo e Meen!"


"Sige ituloy mo Boy. 'P'...?"


"Ngo!"


"Ano kamo?"


Kumanta ulit, "Ey, Mi, Ni, Ni, E, Em, Nyee... Ey, Ay, Ngey, Ngey, En,
Em, En, O."


"Ahhh, titik O! P-O. Sige ituloy mo pa."


"Netter Arrng!"


"Kantahin mo na lang ulit Boy."


"Ey, Mi, Ni, Ni , E, Em, Nyee... Ey, Ay, Ngey, Ngey, En, Em, En, O,
Mi... Ngyu, Arrng."


"Ahhh! Letter R. Malapit na. 'P-O-R'? Hindi ko pa rin makuha, Boy. Anong
letter and susunod?"


"Ngey."


"Letter A?"


"Ini ho," sabay buntung-hininga si Boy. "Ngey! A, Ma, Nga ( A-Ba-Ka-Da
ang kinanta )! Nga!"


"Ka! Letter 'K' 'P-O-R-K' Ahhh Pork!!!"


"Oo. Mo e Meen"


"Pork and?" Ang tanong ni Petra.


"Oo!! Mo e Meen!!!"


"Pork and Meen? Ahhhh!!! Alam ko na!!! Pork and Beans!!!"


"Oo! Oo!! Mo e Meen!! Mo e Meen!!!!" ang masayang sigaw ni Boy.


"Pork and Beans pala ang kailangan mo!!!"


"Oo. Mo e Meen! Menon ngayo? ( Meron kayo? )


"Ay, naku wala!"




Whateverrr...!

-----

Erap And Cardinal Rosales

Erap to Cardinal Rosales: Cards, hangga ngayon galit
pa ang simbahan sa akin. This is unfair!

Cardinal Rosales: Bakit mo naman nasabi yan, Erap?

Erap: Tignan 'nyo Cards, mayroong sabado de GLORIA,
mayroong Sagrado de CORAZON at mayroon ding Linggo de
RAMOS, Bakit ako wala? Naging presidente din naman
ako, ah.

Cardinal Rosales:O sige na nga, Erap. Para wala kanang
reklamo mula ngayon sa iyo na iyang ASS Wednesday!

-----

A Coincidence……


A chicken farmer went to a local bar, sat next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne.

The woman perks up and says, "How about that? I just ordered a glass of Champagne , too!"

"What a coincidence," the farmer says, "This is a special day for me, and I'm celebrating."

"This is a special day for me too, I'm also celebrating!" says the woman.

"What a coincidence!" says the man. As they clinked glasses the farmer asked, "What are you celebrating?"

"My husband and I have been trying to have a child, and today my Gynecologist told me that I'm pregnant!"

"What a coincidence," says the man, "I'm a chicken farmer, and for years all my hens were infertile, but today they're finally laying fertilized eggs."

"That's great!" says the woman, "How did your chickens become fertile?"

"I used a different cock," he replied.

The woman smiled and said, "what a coincidence."

-----

Erap jokes: Nakita ni Loi na nagtatamin si Erap.

Loi: Anong ginagawa mo?
Erap: Nakita mo nangnatatanim eh.
Loi: Eh ano naman tinatamin mo eh wala ka naman dalang buto'?
Erap: Eh seedless nga tinatanim ko eh

Hahaha..shared lang saken ng officemate ko kaninag lunch

Parehas lang ng kung paano nakikita ni Wonderwoman yung invisiblejet nya? eh invisible nga?

Worst na magpapapicture with Superheroes eh kay Invisibleman pa!

-----
"winner winner, chicken dinner"

Doctor, "What seems to be the problem?"

Patient, "Doc, I've got the farts. I mean I fart all
the time,"

The Doctor nods, "Hmm."

Patient, "My farts do not stink and you can't hear
them. It's just that I fart all the time. Look, we've
been talking here for about 10 minutes and I've farted
five times. You didn't hear them and you don't smell
them, do you?"

"Hmm," says the Doctor,

He picks up his pad and writes out a prescription.

The patient is thrilled "Great doc. This prescription,
will it really clear up my farts?"

"No," sighs the Doctor, "The prescription is to clear
your sinuses. Nextweek I want you back here for a
hearing test."

-----

REPORTER: Sir, kung wala po kayong evidence, witness or suspect ano na po ang next step ninyo??
Police: DNA na...
REPORTER: sir, ano po yung DNA ???
Police: "Di Namin Alam "


Man1: Away kami ni misis, nag-Historical siya
Man2: Pare baka ang ibig mo sabihin ay nag-Hysterical
Man1: Hinde, historical kasi inungkat lahat ng kasalanan ko!"



Employee: boss pwede ba ako nalang ang papalit dun pwesto sa manager natin na kamamatay lang?
Boss: ok lang sa akin na ikaw ang pumalit sa kanya, ewan ko lang kung papayag ang punerarya.


bobo1: Pare, alam mo ba tawag sa paniki na mababa ang lipad?
bobo2: hindi eh! ano ba pare?
bobo1: Lowbat pare! Lowbat!

Mabuti pa ang pera may tao..
Ang tao walang pera.

-----

Pedro: Pare, sobrang taba talaga ng Misis ko kaya't gusto niyang magbawas ng timbang!

Pablo: Sabihin mo sa Misis na mag Horseback riding siya.

Makaraan ang dalawang buwan.

Pedro: Kumusta naman ang resulta ng Horseback Riding !

Pablo: Nabawasan ng 40 Kilos ang kabayo!!


toinks!

-----
Kung tulog ka pa, 'wag ka munang gumising
Kung ikaw ay mahimbing
Sa iyong pansamantalang mundo
At ika’y malayo sa gulo
Baka 'di mo makayanan ang iyong mga pagmamasdan

REGRETS

Bakit ba pati ako, binibigyan nyo ng malisya?
Ano ba ang kasalanan ko?!"
- Talong

"Hindi lahat ng malakas, super hero!"
- Putok

"Paano tayo makakabuo kung hindi ako papatong sa iyo?"
- Lego

"Halika, bigyan mo pa ako ng init. Kailangan kong pumutok para ako'y iyong matikman at ika'y masarapan. Ayan na! Puputok na! Humanda ka!"
- Popcorn

"Kahit papaano, gusto ko din ng exposure!"
- Singit

"Hindi ko hinahangad na ipagmalaki mo na ako'y sa iyo. Ayoko lang naman na sa harap ng maraming tao, ganun mo na lang ako itanggi!"
- Utot

"Hindi lahat ng hinog ay matamis!"
- Pigsa

"Kapag ang katawan mo'y nag-iinit, lagi na lang ako ang hinahanap mo. Maya't maya mo akong ginagamit at pinapagod. Hindi ka na naawa!"
- Aircon


"I ikspik that it will be a long payt, a good payt, But you know, I didn't ikspik. Tinks por da God, you know, and tinks por ol da pelepeno pipo!"
- Manny Pacquiao.

"You never even thank me for making you happy, then you throw me away just like that. I hate you for using me, for making my life full of shit!"
- Tissue

"You can cry all you want, you could always blame me. You said, it wasn't fair that you just want life to be better. But remember, it's all your fault! You stabbed me with a knife!"
- Sibuyas

"Isubo mo ang kahabaan ko. Dilaan. Sipsipin. Paglaruan sa bibig mo. Para lumabas ang katas ko na kinasabikan mo. Nag mamahal,"
- Ice Candy

"Panakip butas mo lang pala ako!".
- Panty

"Pinapaikot mo lang ako! Nagsasawa na ako. Mabuti pang patayin mo na lang ako".
- Electric fan

"Hindi lahat na walang salawal ay bastos!"
- winnie d' pooh

"Alam mo ba wala akong ibang hinangad kundi ang mapalapit sa iyo. Pero patuloy ang pag-iwas mo".
- ipis

"Hala! sige magpakasasa ka! Alam ko namang katawan ko lang ang habol mo."
-hipon

"Ayoko na! Pag nagmamahal ako, lagi na lang maraming tao ang nagagalit! Wala ba akong karapatang magmahal?!"
-Gasolina

"Sawang-sawa na ako, palagi na lang akong pinagpapasa- pasahan, pagod na pagod na ako."
- Bola

"Ginawa ko naman lahat para sumaya ka, mahirap ka ba talagang makontento sa isa? Bakit palipat-lipat ka?
- TV

"Hindi lahat ng maasim may vitamin C"
-kili kili

"Pilitin mo man na alisin ako sa buhay mo, babalik at babalik ako!
-Libag

Anung kasalanan ko sa iyo, iniwan mo na lang akong duguan..."
-Sanitary Napkin

"Hwag mo na akong bilugin.."
-kulangot

"Bwisit na buhay ito! Araw-araw na lang, itlog! Umaga, tanghali, gabi, itlog! Itlog! Itlog! Lagi na lang itlog!"
-Brief

"Sige, kalimutan mo ako para malaman ng iba ang baho mo!
-deodorant

"Ako lang ang makakapagpadugo ng ilong ni Manny Pacquiao!"
- English

"Hindi totoong anak ko si Bakekang! At lalong hindi ko kapatid si Mike Enriquez! Kaya pwede ba, tigilan na ang tsismis na yan!"
- Shrek

-----
Don't STEAL. The GOVERNMENT hates competition. Good in english huh!? It doesn't mean your smart enough.
my other account: crad3r (i use this only if my account is bugged)

teacher: do you know the importance of a period?

kid: yeah, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, daad got a heart attack, and our driver ran away..

-----
I always arrive late at the office,
but I make up for it by leaving early..

teacher: juan, i-translate mo ito sa english

juan: yes mam, what is it mam?

teacher: Ang pato ay hinang-hinang naglalakad...

juan: (nag-isip)uhmmm...

teacher: ano nah?!

juan: kwak kwak weak weak walk walk!

-----

What Retired People Do

Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting.

Well for example, the other day I went into town and went to a shop in George Street. I was only in there for about 5 minutes. When I came out there was a cop writing out a parking ticket.

I went up to him and said, "Come on man, how about giving a senior a break?"

He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. I called him a Nazi.

He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tires. So I called him a piece of dog shit.

He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first.

Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes.

The more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote.

Personally, I didn't give a damn. I came into town by train.

I try to have a little fun each day now that I'm retired. It's important at my age.

-----
...mendezeño highlander...

husband: when i get mad at you, you never fight back.. how do you control your anger?
wife: i clean the toilet
husband: how does that help?
wife: i use your toothbrush

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I always arrive late at the office,
but I make up for it by leaving early..