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Votes : 0. Rating : 5.00.
JUAN; Tay ! Penge P20 bibili ako ng de lata.
TATAY: Anak, mga taga bukid lang ang gumagamit ng term na de lata!
Englisin mo yan!
JUAN: Paano?
TATAY: KANG GUD!
Juan: pare, nsusuka ko kaya lang hindi ako masuka.
Pedro: madali lang yun pare, sundot mo tonsil mo.
(sinundot ang tonsil)
Juan: hindi pa din eh
Pedro: try mo sundot puwet mo.
(sinundot ang pwet)
Juan: ayaw pa din eh..
Pedro: ngayon ska mo isundot ulit sa bibig mo.
TATAY: Anak, mga taga bukid lang ang gumagamit ng term na de lata!
Englisin mo yan!
JUAN: Paano?
TATAY: KANG GUD!
Juan: pare, nsusuka ko kaya lang hindi ako masuka.
Pedro: madali lang yun pare, sundot mo tonsil mo.
(sinundot ang tonsil)
Juan: hindi pa din eh
Pedro: try mo sundot puwet mo.
(sinundot ang pwet)
Juan: ayaw pa din eh..
Pedro: ngayon ska mo isundot ulit sa bibig mo.
-----
Votes : 0. Rating : 5.00.
A PINOY LAB STORY
Dang, a beautiful Filipina fell in love with Edong.
She planned to marry very soon. She was so happy about her wedding plans, she decided to tell her Tatay (dad).
Her Tatay told her, "Dang, you'll have to find another. Your Nanay
(mom) does not know this, but Edong is your half-brother" .
So Dang forgot about her Edong, and soon planned to marry Ricardo.
But after telling tatay again, he said, "Dang, anak ko (my child), there's trouble still. You cannot marry Ricardo.
Please don't tell
your mother, but Ricardo and Edong are your half-brothers. "
Dang had no choice but to go to her Nanay. Nanay already knew and said "Anak ko, do what makes you happy. Marry Ricardo or marry Edong, because you are not related to your Tatay."
WHAT A BEAUTIFUL LOVE STORY....
Dang, a beautiful Filipina fell in love with Edong.
She planned to marry very soon. She was so happy about her wedding plans, she decided to tell her Tatay (dad).
Her Tatay told her, "Dang, you'll have to find another. Your Nanay
(mom) does not know this, but Edong is your half-brother" .
So Dang forgot about her Edong, and soon planned to marry Ricardo.
But after telling tatay again, he said, "Dang, anak ko (my child), there's trouble still. You cannot marry Ricardo.
Please don't tell
your mother, but Ricardo and Edong are your half-brothers. "
Dang had no choice but to go to her Nanay. Nanay already knew and said "Anak ko, do what makes you happy. Marry Ricardo or marry Edong, because you are not related to your Tatay."
WHAT A BEAUTIFUL LOVE STORY....
-----
"One who sees the invisible... Can do the impossible."
Votes : 0. Rating : 5.00.
Level 42
Posts : 1779
DPhp 95.4K
Credibility : 77.4%
^^funny lol
Votes : 0. Rating : 5.00.
"I NO COME WORK TODAY!!!" Hung Chow calls into work
and says, "Hey, I no come work today, I really sick.
Got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come
work."
The boss says, "You know something, Hung Chow, I
really need you today. When I feel like this, I go
to my wife and tell her to give me sex. That makes
everything better and I go to work. You try that."
Two hours later Hung Chow calls again. "I do what you
say and I feel great. I be at work soon......... You
got nice house.
and says, "Hey, I no come work today, I really sick.
Got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come
work."
The boss says, "You know something, Hung Chow, I
really need you today. When I feel like this, I go
to my wife and tell her to give me sex. That makes
everything better and I go to work. You try that."
Two hours later Hung Chow calls again. "I do what you
say and I feel great. I be at work soon......... You
got nice house.
-----
Votes : 0. Rating : 5.00.
^^^hahahhhha!!! lolbanner: niyare ung asawa ng boss!!
-----
---===Join Us!===---
Votes : 0. Rating : 5.00.
A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing."
"What do they say?" the priest inquired. They say, "Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?"
"That's obscene!" the priest exclaimed, then he thought for a moment. "You know," he said, "I may have a solution to your problem. I have two male talking parrots, which I have taught to pray and read the Bible. Bring your two parrots over to my house, and we'll put them in the cage with Frank and Jacob. My parrots can teach your parrots to pray and worship, and your parrots are sure to stop saying that phrase in no time."
"Thank you," the woman responded, "this may very well be the solution."
The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest's house. As he ushered her in, she saw that his two male parrots were inside their cage, holding rosary beads and praying. Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them. After a few minutes, the female parrots cried out in unison: "Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?"
There was stunned silence. Shocked, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed, "Put the beads away, Frank. Our prayers have been answered!"
"What do they say?" the priest inquired. They say, "Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?"
"That's obscene!" the priest exclaimed, then he thought for a moment. "You know," he said, "I may have a solution to your problem. I have two male talking parrots, which I have taught to pray and read the Bible. Bring your two parrots over to my house, and we'll put them in the cage with Frank and Jacob. My parrots can teach your parrots to pray and worship, and your parrots are sure to stop saying that phrase in no time."
"Thank you," the woman responded, "this may very well be the solution."
The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest's house. As he ushered her in, she saw that his two male parrots were inside their cage, holding rosary beads and praying. Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them. After a few minutes, the female parrots cried out in unison: "Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?"
There was stunned silence. Shocked, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed, "Put the beads away, Frank. Our prayers have been answered!"
Votes : 0. Rating : 5.00.
Automobile Tool Definitions
Hammer:
Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate expensive car parts not far from the object we are trying to hit.
Mechanic's Knife:
Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on boxes containing convertible tops or tonneau covers.
Electric Hand Drill:
Normally used for spinning steel Pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age, but it also works great for drilling rollbar mounting holes in the floor of a sports car just above the brake line that goes to the rear axle.
Hacksaw:
One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.
Vise-Grips:
Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
Oxyacetelene Torch:
Used almost entirely for lighting those stale garage cigarettes you keep hidden in the back of the Whitworth socket drawer (What wife would think to look in _there_?) because you can never remember to buy lighter fluid for the Zippo lighter you got from the PX at Fort Campbell.
Zippo Lighter:
See oxyacetelene torch.
Whitworth Sockets:
Once used for working on older British cars and motorcycles, they are now used mainly for hiding six-month old Salems from the sort of person who would throw them away for no good reason.
Drill Press:
A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, splattering it against the Rolling Stones poster over the bench grinder.
Wire Wheel:
Cleans rust off old bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprint whorls and hard-earned guitar callouses in about the time it takes you to say, "Django Reinhardt".
Hydraulic Floor Jack:
Used for lowering a Mustang to the ground after you have installed a set of Ford Motorsports lowered road springs, trappng the jack handle firmly under the front air dam.
Eight-Foot Long Douglas Fir 2X4:
Used for levering a car upward off a hydraulic jack.
Tweezers:
A tool for removing wood splinters.
Phone:
Tool for calling your neighbor Chris to see if he has another hydraulic floor jack.
Snap-On Gasket Scraper:
Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for spreading mayonnaise; used mainly for getting dog-doo off your boot.
E-Z Out Bolt and Stud Extractor:
A tool that snaps off in bolt holes and is ten times harder than any known drill bit.
Timing Light:
A stroboscopic instrument for illuminating grease buildup on crankshaft pulleys.
Two-Ton Hydraulic Engine Hoist:
A handy tool for testing the tensile strength of ground straps and hydraulic clutch lines you may have forgotten to disconnect.
Craftsman 1/2 x 16-inch Screwdriver:
A large motor mount prying tool that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end without the handle.
Battery Electrolyte Tester:
A handy tool for transferring sulfuric acid from car battery to the inside of your toolbox after determining that your battery is dead as a doornail, just as you thought.
Aviation Metal Snips:
See Hacksaw.
Trouble Light:
The mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes called a drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, "the sunshine vitamin", which is not otherwise found under cars at night. Health benefits aside, its main purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at about the same rate that 105-mm howitzer shells might be used during, say, the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. More often dark than light, its name is somewhat misleading.
Phillips Screwdriver:
Normally used to stab the lids of old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splash oil on your shirt; can also be used, as the name implies, to round off Phillips screw heads.
Air Compressor:
A machine that takes energy produced in a coal-burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air that travels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic impact wrench that grips rusty suspension bolts last tightened 40 years ago by someone in Abingdon, Oxfordshire, and rounds them off.
Hammer:
Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate expensive car parts not far from the object we are trying to hit.
Mechanic's Knife:
Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on boxes containing convertible tops or tonneau covers.
Electric Hand Drill:
Normally used for spinning steel Pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age, but it also works great for drilling rollbar mounting holes in the floor of a sports car just above the brake line that goes to the rear axle.
Hacksaw:
One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.
Vise-Grips:
Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
Oxyacetelene Torch:
Used almost entirely for lighting those stale garage cigarettes you keep hidden in the back of the Whitworth socket drawer (What wife would think to look in _there_?) because you can never remember to buy lighter fluid for the Zippo lighter you got from the PX at Fort Campbell.
Zippo Lighter:
See oxyacetelene torch.
Whitworth Sockets:
Once used for working on older British cars and motorcycles, they are now used mainly for hiding six-month old Salems from the sort of person who would throw them away for no good reason.
Drill Press:
A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, splattering it against the Rolling Stones poster over the bench grinder.
Wire Wheel:
Cleans rust off old bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprint whorls and hard-earned guitar callouses in about the time it takes you to say, "Django Reinhardt".
Hydraulic Floor Jack:
Used for lowering a Mustang to the ground after you have installed a set of Ford Motorsports lowered road springs, trappng the jack handle firmly under the front air dam.
Eight-Foot Long Douglas Fir 2X4:
Used for levering a car upward off a hydraulic jack.
Tweezers:
A tool for removing wood splinters.
Phone:
Tool for calling your neighbor Chris to see if he has another hydraulic floor jack.
Snap-On Gasket Scraper:
Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for spreading mayonnaise; used mainly for getting dog-doo off your boot.
E-Z Out Bolt and Stud Extractor:
A tool that snaps off in bolt holes and is ten times harder than any known drill bit.
Timing Light:
A stroboscopic instrument for illuminating grease buildup on crankshaft pulleys.
Two-Ton Hydraulic Engine Hoist:
A handy tool for testing the tensile strength of ground straps and hydraulic clutch lines you may have forgotten to disconnect.
Craftsman 1/2 x 16-inch Screwdriver:
A large motor mount prying tool that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end without the handle.
Battery Electrolyte Tester:
A handy tool for transferring sulfuric acid from car battery to the inside of your toolbox after determining that your battery is dead as a doornail, just as you thought.
Aviation Metal Snips:
See Hacksaw.
Trouble Light:
The mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes called a drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, "the sunshine vitamin", which is not otherwise found under cars at night. Health benefits aside, its main purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at about the same rate that 105-mm howitzer shells might be used during, say, the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. More often dark than light, its name is somewhat misleading.
Phillips Screwdriver:
Normally used to stab the lids of old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splash oil on your shirt; can also be used, as the name implies, to round off Phillips screw heads.
Air Compressor:
A machine that takes energy produced in a coal-burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air that travels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic impact wrench that grips rusty suspension bolts last tightened 40 years ago by someone in Abingdon, Oxfordshire, and rounds them off.
-----
I wanna tell you a secret And leave it on your lips
sing it through your body ,tell it through this kiss
Would you swear to keep it?
oh ano... game nah
Votes : 0. Rating : 5.00.
Naninikko!
Teacher: hoy alvin! hindi mo ba alam na masakit ang maniko?
Alvin: Ma'am . . .ano naman ang kinalaman ko sa pagsakit ng mani nyo??
Teacher: hoy alvin! hindi mo ba alam na masakit ang maniko?
Alvin: Ma'am . . .ano naman ang kinalaman ko sa pagsakit ng mani nyo??
Votes : 0. Rating : 5.00.
Level 52
Posts : 3070
DPhp 766.5K
Credibility : 83.4%
There were three black ladies ready to take a plane trip for the first time.
The first lady said, " I don't know bout y'al but I'm gunna wear me sum hot pink panties beefo I gets on dat plane.
"Why you gonna wear dem fo?" the other two asked.
The first replied, "Cause, if dat plane goes down and I'm out dare laying butt-up in a conefield, dey gonna find me first."
The second lady said, "Well, I'm gonna wear me some floe esant orange panties."
"Why you gonna wear dem fo?" the others asked.
The second lady answered, "Cause, if dis here plane is goin down and I be floating butt-up in the oshun, dey gonna see me first."
The third old lady says, "Well, I'm not gonna wear any panties …"
"What? No panties?" the others ask in disbelief.
The third lady says "Dat's right girlfriends, you hears me right. I ain't wearin' any panties, cause if dis plane goes down, honey, dey always look fo da black box first."
The first lady said, " I don't know bout y'al but I'm gunna wear me sum hot pink panties beefo I gets on dat plane.
"Why you gonna wear dem fo?" the other two asked.
The first replied, "Cause, if dat plane goes down and I'm out dare laying butt-up in a conefield, dey gonna find me first."
The second lady said, "Well, I'm gonna wear me some floe esant orange panties."
"Why you gonna wear dem fo?" the others asked.
The second lady answered, "Cause, if dis here plane is goin down and I be floating butt-up in the oshun, dey gonna see me first."
The third old lady says, "Well, I'm not gonna wear any panties …"
"What? No panties?" the others ask in disbelief.
The third lady says "Dat's right girlfriends, you hears me right. I ain't wearin' any panties, cause if dis plane goes down, honey, dey always look fo da black box first."
-----
I always arrive late at the office,
but I make up for it by leaving early..
Votes : 0. Rating : 5.00.
sa mga mahilig sa cornick!
tao 1: ano'ng isda ang mahilig magtampisaw sa ulan?
tao 2: ano?
tao 1: eh di, HITO!
tao 2: huh?
tao 1: HITO akooooo, basang-basa sa ulaaaan! walang masisilungaaaan!
...bow...
### auto-merged ###
Man: Doc, help me uminom ako ng baygon.
Doc: Bakit, magsusuicide ka?
Man: Hindi. Nakalunok kasi ako ng buhay na ipis.
Doc: Tange! Dapat kumain ka na lang ng tsinelas.
tao 1: ano'ng isda ang mahilig magtampisaw sa ulan?
tao 2: ano?
tao 1: eh di, HITO!
tao 2: huh?
tao 1: HITO akooooo, basang-basa sa ulaaaan! walang masisilungaaaan!
...bow...
### auto-merged ###
Man: Doc, help me uminom ako ng baygon.
Doc: Bakit, magsusuicide ka?
Man: Hindi. Nakalunok kasi ako ng buhay na ipis.
Doc: Tange! Dapat kumain ka na lang ng tsinelas.
-----
old habits die hard. tsk!
Votes : 0. Rating : 5.00.
HONEYMOON:
Wife: Hon wag mo ako bibiglain ha? I'm still a virgin
Husband: You mean ako ang una?
Wife: Yes, do it na
Husband: I did it na, kanina pa!!
Wife: ah ganon ba? Aray pala
Wife: Hon wag mo ako bibiglain ha? I'm still a virgin
Husband: You mean ako ang una?
Wife: Yes, do it na
Husband: I did it na, kanina pa!!
Wife: ah ganon ba? Aray pala
-----
yes..i am amused 
Votes : 0. Rating : 5.00.
isang sabungero nagtrain ng manok
pinatuka nya ng pinatuka
sinubukan sa papel aba nabutas na ng manok sa isang tuka
ginamitan naman ng karton na medyo manipis. ayun butas ulit
ung mas makapal naman na karton, butas parin sa isang tuka
tinesting nya sa yero, aba naman nabutas ulit
pede na raw ilaban ung manok nya sabi ng sabungero
pinuntahan lahat ng kapit bahay at sinabihan na ibenta nyo na lahat ng ari arian nyo at siguradong panalo na ung manok na sinanay nya.
kaya pinusta na nila lahat ng kabuhayan nla.
nung araw na ng sabong sa unang bitaw sapul kagad sa pakpak ung manok nila na halos nde na makalipad
sabay palo ulit ng kalaban ayun pilay naman ang inabot ng manok nila
sabi ng mga kapitbahay ng sabungero, akala ko b sure win tayo?
eh nakahiga na sa sahig ung manok natin ah!!!
hindi nakasagot ung sabungero
nung hahatulan na ng kristo ung mga manok
pinatuka na ung manok nila ayun sabog ang utak ng kalabang manok!!!
un lang
pinatuka nya ng pinatuka
sinubukan sa papel aba nabutas na ng manok sa isang tuka
ginamitan naman ng karton na medyo manipis. ayun butas ulit
ung mas makapal naman na karton, butas parin sa isang tuka
tinesting nya sa yero, aba naman nabutas ulit
pede na raw ilaban ung manok nya sabi ng sabungero
pinuntahan lahat ng kapit bahay at sinabihan na ibenta nyo na lahat ng ari arian nyo at siguradong panalo na ung manok na sinanay nya.
kaya pinusta na nila lahat ng kabuhayan nla.
nung araw na ng sabong sa unang bitaw sapul kagad sa pakpak ung manok nila na halos nde na makalipad
sabay palo ulit ng kalaban ayun pilay naman ang inabot ng manok nila
sabi ng mga kapitbahay ng sabungero, akala ko b sure win tayo?
eh nakahiga na sa sahig ung manok natin ah!!!
hindi nakasagot ung sabungero
nung hahatulan na ng kristo ung mga manok
pinatuka na ung manok nila ayun sabog ang utak ng kalabang manok!!!
un lang
-----
salamat ng dami dami mama cass
Votes : 0. Rating : 5.00.
Little Johnny and his dad were on an over-crowded elevator. Suddenly a lady in the front turned around, slapped Little Johnny's dad, and then left in a huff.
"That sure is a nasty lady," Little Johnny's dad said.
Little Johnny remarked, "I didn't like her either, Daddy. She stepped on my toe, so I pinched her butt."
"That sure is a nasty lady," Little Johnny's dad said.
Little Johnny remarked, "I didn't like her either, Daddy. She stepped on my toe, so I pinched her butt."
-----
Don't STEAL. The GOVERNMENT hates competition. Good in english huh!? It doesn't mean your smart enough.
my other account: crad3r 
(i use this only if my account is bugged)
Votes : 0. Rating : 5.00.
Erap dreamed that he died and went to heaven. St. Peter gave him Ai-ai
delas Alas as partner, saying, 'Kung mabait ka sana , mas maganda ang
partner mo.' Erap saw Chavit with Gretchen Barretto and said, 'Bakit si
Chavit, mas madaming kasalanan, si Gretchen ang partner?' St. Peter: Iho,
parusa yan kay Gretchen.
delas Alas as partner, saying, 'Kung mabait ka sana , mas maganda ang
partner mo.' Erap saw Chavit with Gretchen Barretto and said, 'Bakit si
Chavit, mas madaming kasalanan, si Gretchen ang partner?' St. Peter: Iho,
parusa yan kay Gretchen.
-----
Votes : 0. Rating : 5.00.
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