Sexy: Doc pacheck-up po..
Doc: Sige iha. Hubad ka ng Panty, bra at higa ka.
Sexy: hindo po ako doc. Lola ko po.
Doc: Ganun ba? Sige Lola Hinga lang ng malalim...

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---===Join Us!===---

I-shu-shutdown ang TDP

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^^^that's the biggest joke yesterday!

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Vote fafa zaltik para sa Hot Seat!

Honeymoon:
BRIDE: Kinakabahan ako. Baka di ko makaya.. Parang natatakot ako.
GROOM- Kaya mo ito. Diba dati may alaga kang ahas?
BRIDE- Oo nga, pero takot talaga ako sa UOD!!
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ====
Nanay: Ang lakas mo kumain pero di ka mautusan. Ang kapal mo!
Anak: Kapag yung baboy natin mlakas kumain, natutuwa ka. Sino b talaga ang anak mo, ako o ung baboy? Umayos ka nay! Wag ganun!
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ====
Magsyota naglalakad sa park:
GF: Hon, ihi muna ako
BF: Dyan ka nalang sa damuhan...
Habang umiihi, kinapkap ni BF ang legs ni GF nang may mahawakan syang mahaba sa gitna nito...
BF: Anak ng?! Bading ka ba o nagpalit na ng kasarian??
GF: Sira! Nagpalit lang ako ng desisyon. Tumatae na ako.
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ====
BF : May ibibigay akong gift sayo, pero hulaan mo muna!
GF: Sige, clue naman...
BF: Kailangan ito ng leeg mo.
GF: Kwintas?
BF: Hindi... PANGHILOD! SMILE!!!
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ====
(Sa loob ng Mall)
GUY: LOVE, yan ang dati kong girlfriend.
Jowa: Ang pangit pangit naman!
GUY: Wala akong magagawa, yan talaga ang weakness ko ever since...
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ====
NARS: doc, bat tinanggihan nyo yung pasyente?
DR: alin, yung bakla?
NARS: opo. Baka sabihin namimili tayo, porket bading siya.
DR: ano naman raraspahin ko sa kanya?
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FROG: what does my future hold?
FAIRY: you'll meet someone who wants to know everything about you.
FROG: great! Will I meet her in a party?
FAIRY: no. in biology class
=========
things you don't want to hear during your own surgery:
-san yung gunting na bago? Bat may kalawang to?
-10ml? may nakasurvive na ba dyan? Sabi ko 5ml lang!
-doc, ubos na po pala yung anesthesia.
-kanina pa bukas yung tiyan, asan yung pantahi?
-sunog! Sunog! Labas lahat!
=========
inspiring quote of the day:
"hindi ako tamad. Hindi ko lang alam kung saan ko ibubuhos kasipagan ko."
=========
BOY: I know we are also matter we can't occupy the same space at the same time. Kaya aalis na lang ako.
GIRL: bakit ganun para tayong mga parallel lines, why can't we meet at the same point?
BOY: your verbs and actions are not correct that's why all of the subjects are affected.
GIRL: ayoko na. you've reached my boiling point. And now my heart is getting to its freezing point!
=========
'dear te, dear te, dear te!!!'
-sigaw ni Anabel Rama kay Lorin at Veniz (mga anak ni Rofa) habang naglalaro ng tubig sa kanal.
=========
MRS: hon, am I pretty or ugly?
MR: uhm.. both..
MRS: anong both? Pwedeng pretty and ugly?
MR: ang ibig ko sabihin, you're pretty ugly.
=========
TEACHER: okay class our lesson for today is science. What is science?
PEDRO: ako ma'am! Ako ma'am!
TEACHER: okay Pedro, what is science?
PEDRO: science is our lesson for today.
=========
AMO: inday, paalisin mo nga yung pulubi sa labas ng bahay.
(nilabas ni Inday)
INDAY: off you go! Under no circumstance this house would relent to such unabashed display of vagrant destitution!
PULUBI: oh! I'm so ashamed! Such a mansion of social climbing freaks!
(nakakuha na ng katapat si Inday!)
NOSEBLEED!!! .hehehe
=========
BOB: nakakamagkano ka sa 1 araw?
PULUBI: nag-uumpisa kasi ako ng 8am. Ngayon 9am na. naka 80 na ko.
BOB: hindi din masama noh? Ano mabibili mo niyan?
PULUBI: pwede na tong isang espresso macchiato sa starbucks!
=========
DOC: umubo ka!
PEDRO: ho! Ho! Ho!
DOC: ubo pa!
PEDRO: ho! Ho! Ho!
DOC: okay.
PEDRO: ano po ba sakit ko doc?
DOC: may ubo ka.
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TRIVIA: do you know how they make rubber gloves in China ?
Workers deep their hands into melted latex, then air-dry them.
Now guess how they make condoms?
==========
Why God invented menopause:
Once upon a time, a 70 year old woman gave birth.
BISITA: pwedeng makita ang baby mo?
MOM: mamaya na.
30 minutes after.
BISITA: pwede na bang makita?
MOM: oo, pero hintay muna tayo na umiyak kasi nakalimutan ko kung saan ko linagay.
===========
in a miss gay pageant:
HOST: how can we uplift our economy today even though we are under economic crisis?
BAKLA: (namutla) mga bakla! Akala ko ba miss gay ito? Quizbee pala!
===========
Sexy girl nagkukumpisal:
PARI: iha, ano ang iyong ikukumpisal?
SEXY: father, pag nakakarinig po ako ng lalaking nagmumura di ko mapigilan sarili ko na yayain siya magsex!
PARI: 'tang ina! Di nga?
===========
TEACHER: ano ang pambansang ibon?
BOY: chicken?
TEACHER: hindi! kulay brown ito!
BOY: fried chicken!
TEACHER: hindi! mas maliit ito sa chicken.
BOY: knorr chicken cubes!
TEACHER: get out!
===========
when your lips are silent and your eyes are closed and your ears are deaf. It only means one thing. May discount ka sa jeep. Disabled ka 'tol, disabled!
===========
The Philippine presidents flying in a plane.
GMA: what if I throw a check for a million pesos out the window to make at least 1 Filipino happy?
CORY: but my dear, why don't you throw 2 checks for half a million each and thus make 2 Filipinos happy?
RAMOS: why not throw four checks for a quarter of a million each and make four Filipinos happy?
And on it went until finally, Erap blurts out:
"but madam president, why not simply throw yourself out of the window and make all the Filipinos happy?"
============
a great example of globalization: princess Diana, a Welsh princess with an Egyptian fiancé, crashed in a French tunnel while riding in a German car with a Dutch engine, driven by a Belgian who was drunk on Scottish whisky, chased by Italian paparazzis on Japanese big bikes. An American doctor tried to save them using Brazilian meds. This message was made by a Filipino on a Finnish Nokia phone smuggled from China by a Pakistani based in Quiapo.

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Don't STEAL. The GOVERNMENT hates competition. Good in english huh!? It doesn't mean your smart enough.
my other account: crad3r (i use this only if my account is bugged)

^^hahah funny

galeng ng jokes! walang stir!

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walang panget na babae sa lasing na lalake.

Confident and Confidential
a youg boy asks his dad, "what's the diffrence between confident and confidential?"
dad says: "you're my son, i'm confident about that, your friend over there, is also my son, that's confidential..

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I always arrive late at the office,
but I make up for it by leaving early..

laseng1: pare, ang tawag pala sa mga nag-aalaga ng pusa eh mamumusa.

laseng2: ah ganun ba, eh sa nag-aalaga ng itik?

laseng1: e di mangingitik.

laseng2: e kambing?

laseng1: mangangambing

laseng2: eh sa tupa?

laseng1: BAKLA nyahahaha

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...mendezeño highlander...

KNIGHT said:
GF: Hon, you know what? You have a body of a god!

BF: Oh yeah? You really think so? Which god? Adonis? Zeus?

GF: No... Buddha!

hahaha natawa tlga ako dito!

A guy and his wife were cleaning out the attic one day when he came across a ticket from the local shoe repair shop. The date stamped on the ticket showed that it was over 11 years old. They both laughed and tried to remember which of them might have forgotten to pick up a pair of shoes over a decade ago.

"Do you think the shoes will still be at the shop?" the man asked.

"Not very likely," his wife said.

"It's worth a try," he said, pocketing the ticket. He went downstairs, hopped in the car and drove to the shoe shop.

With a straight face, he handed the ticket to the man behind the counter.

With a face just as straight, the man said, "Just a minute. I'll have to look for these."

He disappeared into a dark corner at the back of the shop. Two minutes later, the man called out, "Here they are!"

"No kidding," the customer called back. "That's terrific! Who would have thought they'd still be here after all this time?"

The man came back to the counter, empty handed. "They'll be ready on Thursday," he said calmly.

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Don't STEAL. The GOVERNMENT hates competition. Good in english huh!? It doesn't mean your smart enough.
my other account: crad3r (i use this only if my account is bugged)

Priceless...!

Bob wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his retirement party. He doesn't remember how he got home from the party. Fearful he made some horrible blunder, he forces his eyes open, and the first thing he sees is a couple of tylenols next to a glass of water on the side table. Next to them, a single red rose! Bob sits up and sees his clothing, all clean and pressed on a chair. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order and spotlessly clean.
He takes the tylenols, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick: 'Honey, breakfast is on the stove. I left early to get groceries to make your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jeanette.'
He stumbled to the kitchen and sure enough, there is a hot
breakfast, steaming hot coffee, and the morning newspaper. His daughter is also at the table, eating. Bob asks,'what happened last night?' 'Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway and got that black eye when you ran into the door.'
Confused, he asked his daughter, 'So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?'
His daughter replied, 'Oh, THAT.... Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, 'Leave me alone, I'm married'!!'

Broken Coffee Table $239.99
Hot Breakfast $4.20
Two Tylenol tablets $.68
Saying the right thing, at the right time... PRICELESS!

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A guy goes to a bar and approaches a lady sitting by herself.

Guy: "May I buy you a beer?"

Lady: "No, thank you. Alcohol is bad for my legs."

Guy: "Sorry to hear that. Do they swell?"

Lady: "No, they spread!"

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Don't STEAL. The GOVERNMENT hates competition. Good in english huh!? It doesn't mean your smart enough.
my other account: crad3r (i use this only if my account is bugged)

Tomas: Sobrang tabatsoy na ang misis ko kaya gusto niyang magbawas ng timbang. Nag-horseback riding siya….
Jorge: Ano’ng resulta?
Tomas: Nabawasan ng 10 kilos ‘yung kabayo!

———— —- ———— — ———— - ————

Ama: Kumusta ang pag-aaral mo?
Anak: Nag-lesson at test po kami tungkol sa mga manok.
Ama: Ano, madali ba?
Anak: Chicken na chicken!
Ama: Anong grade mo?
Anak: Itlog po.

———— — ——— ———– ———- ———-

Dalawang holdaper sa bangko….
Holdaper #1: Yehey! Mayaman na tayo!
Holdaper #2: Bilangin mo na!
Holdaper: Gago! Alam mo namang mahina ako sa math. Abangan na lang natin sa balita kung magkano!

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SI GINO:
LOLO: Gino, paabot nga ng kape ko.
APO : 'lo, Gina po.
LOLO: Gino, paabot nga ng kutchara.
APO : 'lo, Gina po.
LOLO: Punyeta ka, Gino! Tigil-tigilan mo yang kabaklaan mo!

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http://images.neobux.com/imagens/banner1.gif

may isang politiko ang nag CR. habang dumidyinggel sya may tumututok na baril sa likuran nya.

holdaper: holdap to!!! akina ang pera mo!!!

politiko: lintek ka. hinde mo ba ako kilala. isa ang politiko na may mataas na katungkulan sa gobyerno!!!

holdaper: ah ... kung ganun, akina ang pera KO!!!

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...mendezeño highlander...